The Corner Bistro

Before last Wednesday, I had only been to Corner Bistro one other time. The memory is quite vivid yet somehow Kafkaesque in its entirety…. I know I had one Bistro Burger and a Bloody Mary; I know I had another Bistro Burger and another Bloody Mary; and I think I had a chicken sandwich with yet another known Bloody Mary. I know that I somehow ended up at Grey’s Papaya on 4^th and 6^th but don’t know how I got there; I know I had a hotdog with the works but I don’t know why. And finally, I know that I ended up purchasing a very becoming, straw cowboy hat. I know exactly why I purchased that hat—it was very becoming.

All that is to say that I tried not to take my previous encounter with the famed New York Burger Mecca to my latest one.

There is no doubt that Corner Bistro is synonymous with burger in NYC; they constantly appear on top-ten lists in every periodical and every blog. Before going, I sent a text to 10 guys I know that appreciate a good burger, asking them what they thought was the best burger in NY, and half of them chimed in, “Bistro” (and two more, while recommending different places, added something to the effect of, “…but of course Bistro in the West Vil is great too.” My only apprehension lied in the fact that I had eaten there before and did not find it remarkable—but like I said, I tried not to bring that baggage with me.

Arriving at the Bistro on a pleasant but cold-gathering early spring evening, it was certainly a nice surprise to find that Katie and Cassy had secured a place at the very front of the line (Corner Bistro does not take reservations; rather their reservation system lies within a first-come-first-serve, form-a-line-inside-the-bar system). Tanya literally walked in right behind me and the four of us were able to sit immediately. Diana walked in no more than five minutes later to nicely complete our group.

A round of two-dollar-and-fifty-cent McSorley’s was ordered and…. Wait!.... If anyone missed that, I need them to understand what just happened here…. A round of TWO-DOLLAR-AND-FIFTY-CENT McSorley’s was ordered—this is one of the great things about the Bistro that, in the words of one of our group that was not present on this particular evening—“has to be taken into account.” Indeed it does, sir; indeed it does.

I don’t know how important this is to note, but the waiter was gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and actually, that is not the note. The note is that I believe that he kind of took a shine to me. Now either a) I am just that good looking that I can compete in the New York gay community, or b) Because I was sitting with four very attractive women and clearly with none of them (story of my life), that I must have been gay. While I’d like to think “a,” my money’s on “b.” Can’t a brother just get some love…?

Oh, um…where was I…? Oh, yes…. The Bistro….

Because the Bistro offers no real sides or apps, we ordered 6 burgers for the 5 of us. While I would like to believe that this was done on the premise of a rumor that the burgers were small in stature, honestly, I more so think this was just a psychological necessity; we’re just not used to having only burgers and fries on the table. Milk shakes, onion rings, macaroni & cheese—you know. And after all, how could we not…. A Bistro Burger is only $6.75 loaded! Huh? What was that? Here it is again for those of you who didn’t get it…. Wait for it…. Wait for it…. Here it comes…. Yea; I said it, meant it, and won’t take it back…. Bistro Burgers are only $6.75 fully loaded! Take that into account along with the $2.50 McSorley’s and you’ve got yourself a winner for a whopping $9.25.

The Bistro Burger was cooked to the very definition of medium rare—as it was ordered. It was not small—quite large, in fact, and was served on a toasted unassuming bun with lettuce, tomatoes and pickles—all on a just-big-enough-for-the-burger-sized plate. It was splendid. Best in NYC...? No. Really great with great vibe, great juke box and great reputation...? Absolutely. The Bistro is obviously a burger landmark in NYC and I would never dare think of attempting to pick up sticks against it.

Look , at the end of the day, we can throw words around like burger, medium-rare, french-fries, beer…but we all know Les Grossman doesn’t blow up the jungle for nothing…. DIET COKE!

Dumont Burger

“Wow. 8 Oscars, 400 million dollars at the box office, and you saved Tugg Speedman's career.” No, I’m not talking about famed movie exec, Les Grossman; I am, of course, referring to the chef at Dumont Burger (DB).

Dumont would have been an easy sell, if it were on the isle of Manhattan. However, many Manhattanites still feel that our 13-by-2-mile plot is a fresh New Amsterdam, and Brooklyn, Colonial England. Luckily, Brooklyn has within it an Ambassador (more like Assador) in DB that bridges the boroughs all by itself.

Getting everyone to Dumont in Williamsburg took only one thing: a series of unfortunate beef patties (except for you, Daddy-O; you’re my number 4 right now behind DB, Prune, and Paul’s). It was indeed time to man up. Seven of us came by three means of transportation: two by car, one by bike, and 4 by L-train. Oh my God!... What was that? L-train? Where does that go? To what strange land will it take us? Is it a time portal?... No! It simply goes to Brooklyn and only takes 10 minutes to get there.

I rode my bike over the Williamsburg Bridge to meet Kim who was waiting out in front of DB. We enjoyed a beer on their sidewalk patio while waiting for the rest of the group. Yousef, Katie, and Dwayne came shortly after by way of car and we went in to sit. Our waitress, the lovely Justina—not to be confused—was nice enough to kind of hold the only table for us that would accommodate a larger group; if it were not for Justina, we might still be waiting outside. Diana came in, and then there were six. By the way—Honorable mention to Diana’s very first trip to the other borough.

I do admit that I was a bit nervous for being responsible for getting everyone over to DB; expectations were exceedingly high…. The group is by no means gastronomically challenged, and I believe words like “Vom” have been used in the past to describe sub-par burgers. However, when the mac n’ cheese and onion ring appetizers came out, confidence was restored.

Tanya made it in just in time to order burgers along with the rest of us. Hmmm…. How did that happen?

Dumont burgers are thick and fresh and yummy. They are also warm and inviting, but I digress. They are charred just enough on the outside to hold in all their incredible juiciness (I would carve off its hide and wear it as a Unitard). With whatever you top it with—Gruyere, American, or Blue; bacon or no bacon—you cannot go wrong. It is completely complemented by a soft and sweet (warm and inviting) brioche bun. The Dumont burger is a meal, and a special meal at that. The beer selection is modest but includes a nice variety of choice. The brownie dessert was all good.

As usual, something completely unsuspecting yet brilliant was done… A bottle of wine was ordered and made short work of as a final denouement!

STAND BURGER

It was a hot summer day. The room was dark and the air was wet with steam. My body quivered as he... YIKES, wait a minute, I think I'm on the wrong blog. Oh, this is the hamburger blog... OK, um well, I'll get back to that later (lol). BURGERS: I ate the burger but I did not love it. I expect better from a burger joint. I do, however, agree with fwaming dragon... the toasted marshmallow milkshake made my eyes rain delight. It's about emotionality, and the toasted marshmallow brings it!! I would trek from the far corners of the earth for that again...and coming from the UWS, that's pretty much what I'll be doing!!

We also ordered some sides that I didn't particularly care for either. They really need to man up when it comes to the fries. The thin little slivers they served were a mediocre at best. The mashed sweet potatoes were pretty good, but they're not winning the coveted crying monkey award any time soon.

Overall, I rated my burger experience a 4 out of 10. Milkshake experience a 10!!

Stand

When I left for Stand on East 12^th and University, it was mid-February, but it was that rare winter day in New York City when the negative wind-chill gives way to just a hint of spring, allowing for what would have been a nice walk over from the Lower East Side…. Unfortunately, my neighbor, Tanya, had just finished her 200^th hour of work for the week at 7:45 and we had to be there at 8:00…. We cabbed it.

When Tanya and I arrived, Diana was already at the bar, already knew the bartender’s name, and had already knew more about the place than most people would after eating there three times. And this (the bar) brings me to an important aspect of Stand that should certainly not be overlooked…. Their drought beer collection is entirely regional.

I myself started the evening out with a Pilsner from Pennsylvania that I thought was very nice and flavorful. After one of those I switched to the toasted lager where I stayed for the evening. They are kind of proud of their beer collection and if you can’t make up your mind where to start, don’t worry…. Just ask the bartender for a taste and he will be more than happy to accommodate.

When Yousef and Katie arrived, we ordered another round and promptly sat to attend to the real business at hand…BURGERS. The ordering of the burgers would have been completely uneventful if it weren’t for the fact that we decided to order milk shakes as appetizers. I just want to say that ordering milk shakes as an appetizer was a completely new and foreign idea to me and I am now convinced that this may be the single most overlooked part of my childhood. I furthermore want to thank each and every one of you for your brilliance.

As the analyzation of classic literature can tend to move us further and further from the author’s original intention, I will not now assay to describe the taste or flavor of these milkshakes—I’m talking about you, Toasted Marshmallow; you know who you are…. Very simply: The Toasted Marshmallow milkshake at Stand is worthy of treks from the far corners of the Earth. If you haven’t had one, stop reading this immediately, and go! Go now! That is all I will say about the particular nature of the Toasted Marshmallow milkshake at Stand.

Now, unfortunately—unfortunately—Stand is a burger joint, and that was the impetus of our trip. Stand’s burger was lackluster and deserves no mention whatsoever. It’s not horrible, or even a bad burger, but, Hey!, this is a burger joint, and as such one expects the burger to stand out. The Stand burger does not stand out and, furthermore, if it weren’t for the beer and the shakes, could not stand on its own.

Would I go back for the burger: No.

Would I go back for beer: There are places all over Manhattan with 40 taps hinged to kegs.

Would I go back for the shake: All I can say is, “Welcome to the goodie room.”

Where's the Best Burger?

First on our list... STAND www.standburger.com 24 e. 12th street